8 Years Together

Tomorrow will mark eight years that we have been married!  How in the world has it been eight years?  Time truly flies.  Year eight is so much sweeter than year one.  We know one another better, we communicate better, and we don't argue about the things that don't matter.  We respect one another more and know how to love each other better.  I am so beyond blessed to have an amazing husband who loves me unconditionally - his love for me resembles (albeit imperfectly) how Jesus loves me.  I am so thankful for Ray!

I'm also beyond thankful for our little family.  I love my boys so much and our marriage makes them possible.  I couldn't do this parenting thing without Ray.  James threw up in the middle of the night a few nights ago and Ray got up, took him in the shower, cleaned him up, cleaned the bed up, and then slept in James's room on the floor beside James for the rest of the night.  I didn't ask him to do this at all.  He just did it.  He is my hero.  Ray's amazing love and service of our kids so closely resembles how God loves us... I pray that our boys recognize that from a young age.  

This weekend was Memorial Day weekend and it was incredible to spend it at home with family.  We brought out the pool for the backyard this week and the kids have loved it.  It's amazing how a little water will entertain them for hours.  One evening, we made what James calls "marshmallow crackers" over the fire.  Ray showed the boys how to make the fire and then we attempted to show them how to be cautious around the fire.  Luke still has a lot to learn. 

Today, we went to Green Valley Grill to celebrate our anniversary at lunch.  My parents offered to take the kids to the science center (which the kids think is the best thing ever) and then my parents even paid for our lunch!  It was incredible.  There's a popular book called "The Five Love Languages" - I'm pretty sure the author missed my love language in the book.  My love language is FOOD.  Yes, food.  I so enjoy and appreciate good food.  And more than just food, as a stay at home mom, it doesn't get much better than eating delicious food that I didn't cook in a delightful environment that isn't my house with just my husband... That's pretty much bliss to me.  So I felt very loved by my parents and my husband today!  We got the tomato sampler as an appetizer and then we split the parmsean crusted chicken and the beef tips.  It was SO good.  And yes, it was a lot of food... and we ate ALL of it.  And then they gave us a free slice of their sinful chocolate cake because I happened to mention that it was our anniversary!

And what else have we been doing this weekend?  Well that's a funny story.  I'll be 38 weeks pregnant with Anna tomorrow and let's just say she's misbehaving a bit.  When I went for my 34 week appointment, she was finally head down and I thought she was locked and loaded and ready to go.  When I went to my 36 week appointment, I found out she was sideways.  And when I went at 37 weeks, we saw on an ultrasound that her head is up in my ribs.  Not cool, baby girl, not cool.  So... What do you do to try to get a baby to turn head down so that a vaginal birth is possible?  EVERYTHING.  I've been seeing a chiropractor using the Webster Technique since 31 weeks.  I've been doing Spinning Babies exercises since 30 weeks.  And as of last week, I've been "smoking my toes" as we call it in our house - Moxibustion - to try to get her to turn.  And of course I lay on an ironing board doing the "breech tilt" for chunks of time several times a day with ice near her head and I use essential oils during this time.  Has she moved?  Probably not.  I can't tell if she's head up or head down.  I can tell that often times after I'm done with the ironing board, she will turn sideways rather than have her head in my ribs.. This is an encouraging sign to me because it's telling me that she still has some room to move around and that her butt is not wedged in my pelvis to the point where she can't move (hopefully!).

So what's a mama to do now?  Tomorrow morning we are going to go to the hospital to attempt an external cephalic version.  What is this?  It's where my doctor and midwife will work together to try to turn the baby from being breech or sideways to a head down position to get her ready for birth.  Check out videos of ECV on youtube because it's really amazing to see how it works!  My doctor said that they are successful for a mom like me (a third time mom) about 70% of the time.  I'm so so so praying that it works!  If it doesn't work, and she doesn't turn on her own in the next week and a half, then I will have a c-section because breech births carry some risks and most providers and hospitals are not even trained in how to do them these days.  I know this sounds crazy to some and I do not expect many people to understand me, but I do not want a c-section. I do not want major abdominal surgery.  I do not want to have to recover from major surgery while trying to take care of three kids on my own.  More than that, I love birth.  I truly do.  I absolutely love it.  I love the pain - not because I try to be supermama or anything - I love it because it is beyond worth it when that crying baby is placed in your arms.  Obviously the most important thing to me is for my baby to be healthy and for me to be healthy... statistically speaking, the safest way for that to happen is for a natural vaginal birth to occur.  Anna may decide that she doesn't want to be head down for whatever reason and in that case, a c-section may become necessary.  I just hope that a vaginal birth is how it happens.  

In this process, most people do not understand my perspective at all and some have been very vocal about it.  Most people say "Just have a c-section!  It's not a big deal!" - well, it's a big deal to me and I'd rather not do that.  Other people say "Just give her time to turn.  She will probably turn eventually." - well, that may happen, but going past my due date with a breech baby may put me in a situation where we are dealing with an emergency breech birth with providers who are not prepared.  So I'm not willing to do that either.  I was very emotional and frustrated a few days ago because I felt like I was so misunderstood.  So I poured out my heart to Ray and I'm thankful that he truly does understand me completely.  The next day, I met with me doulas, and they understood me completely too.  Last night, I was reading Psalm 139 and it says "You know when I sit down and when I rise up... You formed my inward parts; You wove me in my mother's womb." - God knows the exact position of Anna and He has it under control.  And even more comforting to me than that, "You understand my thought from afar... Even before there is a word on my tongue, behold, O Lord, You know it all." - You know what that means?  It means that God gets me.  He understands how I feel.  He knows how badly I want a natural vaginal birth.  He gets me.  When others don't get me, HE does.  His plan might not be a vaginal birth for Anna... But in the midst of it, He gets me.  He will be there with me and his peace will take hold of me if I encounter deep disappointment from a c-section. Again, I will be beyond thankful for a healthy baby in the end no matter how she arrives... But God will sustain me even in my little disappointments because He cares for me.  

Just a few pictures of smoking my toes and doing the breech tilt on an ironing board - NOT comfortable, by the way.  It has been kind of fun and bonding to do this over the long weekend... Not how I expected to spend my 8 year anniversary, but so worth it... I couldn't imagine doing it with anyone else! 

To end our weekend, Ray's parents came over and brought us dinner and cooked for us. It was awesome to not have to cook at all today!  We are so abundantly blessed by amazing family.  James and Luke were thrilled to see both their Grandad and Mimi and Pop and Gigi all in one day.