Jessica, Don't Forget This...
More than anything, this is a letter to myself. I'm sharing it on my blog in case it could possibly encourage anyone or at least let people know that they are not alone! Everyone's postpartum journey is unique. But here are things I never want to forget and I'm taking the time to document as Silas is 3 months old today and he's clearly easing out of the fourth trimester.
Dear Jessica,
Never forget...
That there's nothing like the smell of YOUR baby's head. That smell is intoxicating. It makes all your problems melt away as soon as you inhale. It's supposed to work this way. No baby will ever smell as good as your baby.
How you felt physically in those first few days postpartum. So raw, weak, and vulnerable. Labor is a big deal - even the fourth time - and your body is going to take a long time to get back to where it was. You would feel fine in bed, but then after just getting out and taking the baby to the doctor, you got exhausted.
The hunger and thirst that couldn't be quenched in the early weeks. Breastfeeding made you ravenous. Any and all food was acceptable.
How good those sweets tasted after a whole pregnancy of no sweets or no carbs. The peanut butter pie, the brownies, the ice cream, the muffins, and the pizza - it did not disappoint! It was as good as you thought it would be!
How you were a different doula in the first few births after your own birth. Your empathy was so strong that it was almost tangible - almost as if you were laboring with the woman you were supporting. How you wanted to tell her so badly "I know! I know how much it hurts! But you are doing so amazing and that little human you are bringing out will be worth every discomfort you are currently feeling!"
How the emotions postpartum are for real. The happy tears. The sad tears. The overwhelming tightness in the chest. The anxiety in the neck. All feelings are on high alert. All of it is normal. And it didn't last forever. Those baby blues were only for a season for you, thankfully.
How comforting it is to sleep in your own bed with your baby snuggled up next to you. That first month of napping with Silas was pure bliss. Just simply his skin touching your skin immediately put him to sleep. Both of you knew that this was where you were supposed to be.
How you were nervous, even the fourth time, praying and hoping that breastfeeding would work for you this time. There's nothing like the pressure of knowing that you are the only thing sustaining your baby. And the relief you felt every time you put that baby on the scale and he gained several ounces - it's one of the best feelings of new motherhood.
How thankful you were to your mother in law for taking care of your older kids for ELEVEN whole days so that you could rest and bond with your sweet little baby. This time with just you and little Silas was precious. You must always we willing to be there to support your own children when they have children one day (if they invite your support).
How amazing it was for your church to bring you meals for six weeks. When all you can do is barely take care of your own children, feed your newborn, and try to keep the house in functioning order, cooking isn't something that is easily done. Always be willing to take a meal to a family with a new baby.
How clean and refreshed you felt after taking those showers postpartum. The shower was a daily retreat and it made you feel wonderful.
How incredibly fast the baby grows and changes. At first he had to touch you in order to sleep. Then he was alright to sleep for short times on his own. And now, as you write this, he wants to go to bed early in the evening and sleep (for sometimes) long stretches. The moments are difficult and challenging at times, but this season is very short.
That look on your older kids' faces when they got to meet your new baby for the first time. They love him so much and know he was always supposed to be a part of your family.
And finally, never forget, the feeling you felt when you picked him up out of the water at birth and held him for the first time. That moment and that same moment with each of your children were the sweetest and most perfect moments of your life.
Signed,
A very thankful mama
Dear Jessica,
Never forget...
That there's nothing like the smell of YOUR baby's head. That smell is intoxicating. It makes all your problems melt away as soon as you inhale. It's supposed to work this way. No baby will ever smell as good as your baby.
How you felt physically in those first few days postpartum. So raw, weak, and vulnerable. Labor is a big deal - even the fourth time - and your body is going to take a long time to get back to where it was. You would feel fine in bed, but then after just getting out and taking the baby to the doctor, you got exhausted.
The hunger and thirst that couldn't be quenched in the early weeks. Breastfeeding made you ravenous. Any and all food was acceptable.
How good those sweets tasted after a whole pregnancy of no sweets or no carbs. The peanut butter pie, the brownies, the ice cream, the muffins, and the pizza - it did not disappoint! It was as good as you thought it would be!
How you were a different doula in the first few births after your own birth. Your empathy was so strong that it was almost tangible - almost as if you were laboring with the woman you were supporting. How you wanted to tell her so badly "I know! I know how much it hurts! But you are doing so amazing and that little human you are bringing out will be worth every discomfort you are currently feeling!"
How the emotions postpartum are for real. The happy tears. The sad tears. The overwhelming tightness in the chest. The anxiety in the neck. All feelings are on high alert. All of it is normal. And it didn't last forever. Those baby blues were only for a season for you, thankfully.
How comforting it is to sleep in your own bed with your baby snuggled up next to you. That first month of napping with Silas was pure bliss. Just simply his skin touching your skin immediately put him to sleep. Both of you knew that this was where you were supposed to be.
How you were nervous, even the fourth time, praying and hoping that breastfeeding would work for you this time. There's nothing like the pressure of knowing that you are the only thing sustaining your baby. And the relief you felt every time you put that baby on the scale and he gained several ounces - it's one of the best feelings of new motherhood.
How thankful you were to your mother in law for taking care of your older kids for ELEVEN whole days so that you could rest and bond with your sweet little baby. This time with just you and little Silas was precious. You must always we willing to be there to support your own children when they have children one day (if they invite your support).
How amazing it was for your church to bring you meals for six weeks. When all you can do is barely take care of your own children, feed your newborn, and try to keep the house in functioning order, cooking isn't something that is easily done. Always be willing to take a meal to a family with a new baby.
How clean and refreshed you felt after taking those showers postpartum. The shower was a daily retreat and it made you feel wonderful.
How incredibly fast the baby grows and changes. At first he had to touch you in order to sleep. Then he was alright to sleep for short times on his own. And now, as you write this, he wants to go to bed early in the evening and sleep (for sometimes) long stretches. The moments are difficult and challenging at times, but this season is very short.
That look on your older kids' faces when they got to meet your new baby for the first time. They love him so much and know he was always supposed to be a part of your family.
And finally, never forget, the feeling you felt when you picked him up out of the water at birth and held him for the first time. That moment and that same moment with each of your children were the sweetest and most perfect moments of your life.
Signed,
A very thankful mama
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